Nothing More

‘Mind over matter,’ whispered Tonks to herself, her eyes closed tightly. ‘Mind over matter.’

Moments later, Tonks opened her eyes to see bubblegum pink hair framing her face. ‘Thank Merlin,’ she said softly. It might not be the spikes that she wanted, but it was her color. Just seeing that color made Tonks feel better.

September passed quickly. Tonks did start keeping a journal and the results surprised her. She completely expected that her moods would be based on the moon cycle. But it wasn’t that way at all. Her moods were random; she didn’t know what to expect one day to the next. Very quickly she realized that when she was in a good mood, she could morph. But when it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, she didn’t even bother trying.

Before Tonks knew it, October had arrived. Along with her regular patrols, Tonks had been working at least two overnights a week either going on raids or stake-outs. And then there was work for the Order.

Because of her schedule, she didn’t eat as much as she should. There were days when Tonks went to bed and had to be hard pressed to remember if she ate anything at all that day. Her clothes became baggier and several people asked if she had started morphing herself thin. Those people pissed her off. Tonks hadn’t been fat; she simply wasn’t obsessed with her body like some women.

The main downfall of her schedule was that she didn’t have time to talk to Snape again. It felt quite odd, wanting to talk to Snape, but she really did. Tonks wanted to show him that she was doing better, which she was fairly sure that she was.

The only time she saw him again in September was at an Order meeting. But she was having a bad day and he had been summoned half way through the meeting, so they couldn’t talk. It didn’t bother her too much. They would talk later.

~~~~~~

Tonks stood outside of Snape’s bedchamber, deep in thought. Today’s Hogsmeade visit by the students was a disaster, that was the only way to describe it. First Harry was practically ready to rip Mundungus’ throat out. And then that poor girl with the necklace…

She wanted to find out more about what happened to the girl. All Tonks knew was that she was in St. Mungos. But to Tonks’ disappointment, Snape didn’t seem to be there. Tomorrow was to be her first day off in almost three weeks, so she had hoped that they could talk and maybe…She wasn’t quite willing to voice the thought in her head.

Giving up, Tonks started the long walk towards the entrance hall. About halfway there, she heard, ‘Nymphadora.’

Tonks spun around and saw Snape walking in her direction from another hallway. ‘Wotcher, Severus.’

Snape raised an eyebrow. ‘Here to see me?’ he asked.

‘Nah,’ said Tonks, shaking her head. ‘I just finished tucking the Slytherins in for the night.’

Matching his stride, they started walking back to his bedchambers. ‘Your hair looks much better,’ he said as they entered the room.

‘Why thank you,’ said Tonks. It was simply back in a plain violet ponytail.

Snape settled onto the sofa. ‘And how are you feeling?’ he asked carefully.

Tonks sat next to him, perpendicular, bringing her knees up to her chest. She thought about the question for a moment. Should be such an easy question. But she wanted to figure out a truthful answer. ‘Better,’ said Tonks finally. ‘I’m better.’

They started talking about the cursed necklace and who could have given it to the girl. Snape told her that he had several ideas, which he’ll discuss with Dumbledore when he’s back.

During the first lull of their conversation, Tonks leaned forward and started kissing Snape on his jaw line. After a moment, Snape moved his head and looked at her. ‘Nymphadora, before we get too involved with that particular activity, we should discuss a few things first.’

Tonks just looked at him curiously.

‘I would have brought this up the last time you were here…’ Snape trailed off.

Tonks grinned impishly. ‘But you made me cry.’

Snape scowled at her. ‘That was for your own good.’

‘You still made me cry,’ said Tonks, smiling, so that he’d know she was joking.

‘If this becomes a common occurrence, no one can know, Nymphadora,’ said Snape seriously. ‘Absolutely no one. It could mean my life if a Death Eater found out I’m sleeping with an Auror. Don’t go running off to your friends and tell them what we’re doing.’

‘I have no friends,’ said Tonks suddenly, realizing it herself for the first time. ‘Sirius and Remus were my friends. Sirius is dead and Remus…Remus isn’t my friend any more. So don’t worry about that. Anything else?’

Snape nodded slowly. ‘This is sex, nothing more. Are we agreed?’

Tonks was slightly amazed that he came right out and voiced what it was between them. At least it was out in the open now. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, ‘Agreed.’

~~~~~~

They were together at least once a week after that. Though Tonks was careful to gauge her mood before deciding to meet him or not. If Tonks was having what she ended up calling, a ‘not-so-happy’ day, she stayed away. But if Tonks woke up with a smile on her face and was able to morph…

They came up with a set of codes so they could make plans. If Snape asked, ‘Are you guarding Azkaban tonight?’ that basically meant, ‘Stop by tonight so we can shag.’ If Tonks said, ‘I have to guard Azkaban tonight,’ she meant, ‘I’m stopping by tonight so we can shag.’

Of course, even with the codes, there were problems. In late October, it was announced that all Aurors had to spend one additional shift a week guarding Azkaban. Tonks was talking to Professor McGonagall and told her that she had to guard Azkaban that night. Snape overheard without her realizing it and waited up half the night while Tonks was actually guarding Azkaban.

Sometimes they talked first, sometimes they didn’t. Tonks enjoyed the nights when they talked the most. She had been serious when she said that she really didn’t have friends any more. Savage and she were becoming close, but he wasn’t truly a friend. She couldn’t talk to him after work or feel like she could talk to him about anything at all. After work, he rushed home to be with him family.

Molly invited her over for dinner every few weeks. The Weasley matriarch didn’t make the same mistake of trying to have Tonks and Remus see each other again, which Tonks was grateful for.

Tonks thought of Remus more often than she would like. She heard bits and pieces of his assignment from Molly and Arthur. The pack moved around a lot. During the summer and early fall, the pack would sleep outside. It was harder now that it was almost winter. Every night they tried to find shelter, but most nights failed. Occasionally, they’d find a barn or an empty house. But most nights they were outside, trying to sleep in the woods.

It was very hard for Tonks to hear that, but she listened to every word. She, who had a warm bed sit to go home to and three meals a day, if she remembered to eat them. Everything that Remus used to have, but was willing to give away for the sake of the war.

~~~~~~

Tonks and Snape never touched after sex. It was almost like an unwritten rule. There was no falling asleep in Snape’s arms like she had done with Remus. Snape would simply roll over and go to sleep. Most nights Tonks would do the same.

But not tonight. It was the middle of November and there was a full moon. Her mind was full of Remus and she simply couldn’t sleep. Not when she couldn’t stop wondering where he was and if he was cold. His face wouldn’t leave her head. The laugh lines that crinkled around his blue eyes when he smiled, the liberal grey in his hair that he hated, but made him look so incredibly…

Tonks looked over at Snape and then glanced at the clock. It wasn’t too late yet. She wanted to start talking so that she didn’t have to think about Remus.

‘Severus?’ asked Tonks, while she played with one of her light green curls.

‘What?’ he asked without turning around.

‘I was going to ask if you were awake, but you’ve answered that question,’ said Tonks with a grin. ‘I can’t sleep.’

‘I can go to the dungeons and get you a sleep potion, if you’d like,’ said Snape. ‘Won’t take long.’

‘I don’t want a potion,’ said Tonks, biting a lip. ‘Any chance you’d want a bit of a chat?’

‘And what, might I ask, would we…chat about at one o’clock in the morning?’

Tonks raked her brain for a topic. She wasn’t ready for that question. ‘Why were you placed in Slytherin?’ asked Tonks finally.

Snape turned towards her with an incredulous look on his face. ‘I thought that generally Aurors had to have good observation skills,’ he said with a hint of a sneer in his voice.

‘I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent observer. I’ve been requested for several high profile stake-outs,’ said Tonks proudly. ‘I just want to know why the Sorting Hat placed you in Slytherin.’

‘Nymphadora, it pains me to have to tell you this, but I’m a dark wizard,’ said Snape mockingly.

‘I know that, Severus,’ said Tonks, waving her hand at him. ‘But you weren’t when you were eleven.’

‘I was.’

‘No, you weren’t.’

‘Don’t tell me what I was or wasn’t, Nymphadora,’ said Snape in a low voice. ‘I’ve know since the moment I first picked up my mother’s wand when I was a child that I was a dark wizard.’

‘So the Sorting Hat placed you in Slytherin instantly?’ asked Tonks. ‘The Sorting Hat took forever to figure out where to put me.’

‘Not quite,’ admitted Snape. ‘There was some…debate.’

‘Which Houses?’ asked Tonks interestedly. She was sure the other House would be Ravenclaw.

‘The Hat momentarily thought to put me in Gryffindor,’ spat Snape. ‘But I asked it not to.’

‘Because of the whole dark wizard thing?’ asked Tonks sympathetically. ‘You wanted to brood with all the other dark wizards?’

The corners of Snape’s thin lips inched upwards. Tonks flashed a grin; she had made him smile.

‘I will admit, I was fairly intrigued with the idea of being placed in Gryffindor. But in the end, I didn’t want to be in that House,’ said Snape, stifling a yawn. ‘May we sleep now or are there other questions about my psyche that you feel the need to ask?’

‘Why didn’t you want to be in Gryffindor?’ asked Tonks. She knew she was being a bit of a pest, but she was too curious to let this go.

Snape’s whole body seemed to sigh. ‘I had a run-in on the Hogwarts Express with your cousin and Potter’s father. We all shared a compartment in the beginning. It was fairly obvious within the first few moments that we wouldn’t get along. They both had been sorted into Gryffindor so I asked the Hat not to put me in the same House,’ said Snape. ‘Does that satisfy your curiosity?’

‘Yes,’ said Tonks, nodding her head. A moment passed. ‘Don’t you want to know what the Sorting Hat told me?’

‘If listening to your Sorting Hat story allows me to go to sleep, by all means, tell away,’ said Snape in a bored voice.

‘It chose between Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and wait for it…’

‘Gryffindor,’ said Snape dryly.

‘Slytherin,’ countered Tonks. She had his attention now. ‘The Hat threw out Ravenclaw first. Even though the Hat said I was smart enough to be there, that I didn’t have the personality to simply sit back and observe.’

Snape nodded. ‘I would certainly agree with that.’

‘So that left Hufflepuff and Slytherin. My mum and dad’s Houses,’ said Tonks earnestly. ‘The Hat didn’t tell me why he didn’t place me in Slytherin, but said that I am a hard worker, who is trusting and loyal.’

‘I wonder how different you’d be if you had been in my House,’ said Snape. ‘Knowing some of the students during that time, you would have probably done very well there.’

‘We’ll never know, will we?’ asked Tonks with a smile. ‘I wonder how different you’d be if you were placed in Gryffindor.’

Snape practically shuddered. ‘As you said, we’ll never know. Now go to sleep.’

Tonks gave him a pointed look. ‘Don’t tell me what to do.’

Snape sighed. ‘Go to sleep, please.’

Tonks contentedly turned on her side. It was a small victory, but she would take it. ‘Good night, Severus.’

~~~~~~

‘Savage, are you mad?’ asked Tonks the next day. She and Savage were both patrolling the outside of Hogwarts. And he was holding two bottles of butterbeer. ‘We can’t drink on the job!’

‘I’m technically your senior, and if I tell you to drink, you’re going to bloody drink,’ grinned Savage. ‘We’re celebrating.’

‘I’m all for a celebration,’ said Tonks. She was in a very good mood today. So good, that she was wearing her signature look, her bubblegum pink spikes. ‘Can we celebrate indoors? It’s bloody freezing out here.’

‘Sadly, no,’ said Savage, handing her a butterbeer. They knocked the bottles together and in one voice, said the traditional Auror’s toast. ‘To goodness and light.’

Tonks took a long swallow, letting the butterbeer warm her up. ‘So what are we celebrating?’

‘Two things,’ said Savage, taking a sip of his own. ‘First, we are celebrating the fact that you are not going to be considered a Dark Creature.’

‘They killed the bill?’ asked Tonks quickly. Savage nodded. Tonks threw her arms around him. ‘Thank Merlin! I didn’t want to be a dark creature! I mean, I could have handled it, but I wasn’t going to register at all. They could have thrown me into Azkaban for all I care and I’m really babbling, aren’t I, Savage? What else are we celebrating?’

‘We just found out yesterday,’ said Savage proudly. ‘Darla’s pregnant. Fourth one’s on the way.’

‘Darrin, that’s wonderful,’ said Tonks happily.

Savage nodded. ‘We’ve known we wanted another for a while. Darla wanted to wait a bit, till it quieted down, but if we wait, he wins. Know what I mean?’

‘I do,’ said Tonks, nodding her head. She knew exactly what he meant. Savage started rambling, saying that after three girls, he hoped for a boy, but he certainly wouldn’t mind another little girl.

Tonks listened with half her brain and let her mind wander a bit, thinking about babies. There was no doubt in her mind that she would make a great mother some day, maybe ten or fifteen years from now.

She laughed to herself, remembering last night with Snape, when she asked that they cast a contraceptive charm, something they hadn’t used before, since she’s on the Potion. But, in typical Tonks’ fashion, she managed to break the phial of that day’s dose, even though it had an unbreakable charm on it. Snape had insisted on performing the charm himself.

Briefly, she allowed herself to wonder what kind of father Remus would be, but she pushed the thought right out again. It wouldn’t do her any good to dwell on those thoughts at all.
____________________________________________________________

chapter twenty-seven

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